Last year, I vividly remember enjoying the casual conversations we had in English class; whether we talked about our current book or other random findings, the atmosphere was always great. So at the beginning of the year when Ms. Serensky informed the class that this year the daily discussions would be graded, I thought “Great! An easy way to boost my grade!” I felt I always participated in the discussions last year, so I would have no problem getting my points. This also excited me because I knew now our relaxed class discussions would happen on a regular basis, making English class very easy to look forward to. However, I’ve realized that this year’s discussions are NOTHING like the discussions we had last year in AP English 11. Sometimes they are casual while still being intelligent and thoughtful, but sometimes these discussions are downright SCARY. They bring out sides of people (people we’ve known since kindergarten) that we’ve never seen before. Lately, even during the short amount of time before the discussion that is spent talking to our writing groups I don’t think I found the atmosphere “casual.” I do really enjoy the time spent analyzing our books, I just want to know; why has this happened? Why, when discussing with our writing groups, does looking at another group automatically mean you’d like to steal their ideas, therefore their grade? Last Wednesday, I took a glance around the room and happened to make eye contact with a member of another group (I won’t name names). As soon as our eyes met, said person stopped talking and just stared back. I heard another member of their group ask why they stopped talking, and the person said, completely deadpan, “she was looking at me.” Really? Why would looking around the room mean I’m trying to snatch other people’s ideas so I can reproduce them as my own? Another comment I overheard from a classmate, after I made a point to my writing partners when we were in our small groups, was a very hateful “that’s what I just said.” I could not believe that a person in another group would believe that I stole their idea and repeated it to my group. Like I said before, scary. And all of these things happen before the discussion even begins! During a discussion one can expect awkward tension between friends as both start talking at the same time, neither with an intention to stop followed by unhealthy glares as someone is cut off. Even when one finally does get the spotlight, looking around the room you feel like piece of meat as surrounded by ravenous dogs, knowing that everyone is just waiting for you to finish your sentence. So what is it that has changed an intelligent group of teenagers into these frightening monsters? Is it really the grade? If so, I guess I should be grateful it’s only a five-point grade.
